Skip to main content


What is Your Major Stress in Life?

What is your major stress in life? A few nights back, while queuing in a drive thru, my kids & I were talking about our personalities. We’re making fun of ourselves, and had a good laugh about it. On a serious side, I blurted out that I was a people pleaser. I wanted people to like me, and yes, it has been a major source of stress for me. It has been that way for me. I want to please my parents, siblings, teachers, classmates, bosses, co workers, hubby, kids, etc. I feel disappointment in myself, if I perceive that I don’t come up to their expectations. I feel ashamed of myself, if I deemed that I fail my children, whether imagined or not. These negative feeling does take a toll on my wellbeing. It took years learning this feeling of inadequacy, so it also took years to unlearn it. It is only through God’s mercy and love,  that I am able to accept myself, love myself. It is only through God’s unconditional love, that I am able to say, that  I  AM  ENOUGH.  I am a work in progress,

Middle life is beautiful?

Palpitation, tightening of the chest, severe headache, blurring vision, numbness in my left arm... I am experiencing them all... Help. I'm having a stroke!

A few months back, this is the scenario, while I was in the office. From the time I woke up, I have this mother of a headache, but I continued with my morning routine before going to the office. I took my maintenance medicine for my hypertension, and off I went to work. On the way to the office, I recited my rosary in silence. I offered my prayers for my family and day's work. A headache was still there even when I arrived at work. That day I have a report to present to our company's President, so I was immediately busy preparing my reports. When my boss arrived, he immediately saw me, and in a jolly mood asked me, game na Mel? To which I replied, wait, Boss, I am still printing my reports.  While I was printing my reports, I was flustered and wobbling. I am trying hard not to mind it because I am set to accomplish my task.When I had finished printing my reports, I hurriedly went into my boss' room. While sitting down to the table across us, he kept on saying, Mel, sorry this would just take a little while, and I replied it's okay Boss with a smile on my face. But what is happening with me, inside me is I feel I'm about to implode! My chest felt tight, and I was perspiring heavily.  And there I was, putting on a brave front because the gist of that meeting is important, and I was too proud to say I need help or I don't know if you know the feeling of not wanting to catch the attention of the people around me. I was silently praying, Lord, don't let me faint. Help me finish the presentation of my report.  I was able to finish my report, but I didn't immediately go home. At two in the afternoon, I left the office without telling anybody what's happening with me. On my ride home, I called up hubby, to tell him, I took a half-day from work. I told him I have a severe headache. When I reach my stop, while I was going down the vehicle, in my confusion, I didn't notice that hubby was helping me down, he said are you okay, I replied, not so. We drove home, all the kids were there, we're complete for dinner, and that rarely happens nowadays because the two elder ones are already working and they have different work schedules. I'm happy to see them all, and there were bantering while eating, but still, I am feeling like I'm dying. After eating, I told hubby to bring me to the hospital, and he was just waiting for me to say so or else whether I like it or not, he's ready to drag me there because he said I look very pale. In the emergency room, they interviewed me, took my blood pressure, and it reads 90/50. Too low! I forgot to say I took 2 10 mg of amlodipine instead of 1 10 mg and 40 mg of losartan. The nurse didn't react while I said that and simply told me to wait for the ER doctor. They took a troponin test on me.  These proteins are released when the heart muscle has been damaged, and such as occurs with a heart attack. My troponin test was negative, but the doctor prescribed medicines to relieve me.  She asked me if I want to be confined so they can observe me more, but I declined. I said I feel better already. I have health insurance, and all my medical expenses, including medicines, were shouldered by my health insurance provider Maxicare.  It's good to avail health insurance because it will help us pay high medical expenses. My health insurance includes inpatient and outpatient benefits, including laboratories & medicines. Many companies provide their employees with health care. God bless my company since they saw it fit to provide our employees with this company benefit. So getting back, I went home, but in the early morning the following day, again I have a severe headache, this time I didn't prepare for work, I planned to go back to the hospital, and I prepared for it since I brought along my hospital bag. I know something is not right with me, and when I had a CT brain scan, it was found out I have a clot on the right side of my brain. It was a stroke and not a heart attack.

Maybe, you want to ask Mel you said in your first blog midlife is beautiful, your web site's name is middle life is beautiful! Now on this blog, you had a stroke, and it happened in your midlife, how is that?  Friends, middle life is indeed beautiful through the grace and mercy of God. I had a mild stroke, but I was not paralyzed, nor was my face contorted, nor did I have a limp or a lame arm, neither was I left unable to speak. All this could have happened to me, or worse, I could have died. Remember the actress who recently died because of an aneurysm? The news says she lives a healthy lifestyle, nowadays even men & women who are not yet in midlife have suffered a heart attack or brain stroke, some survived it, and some do not.

Days before my brain stroke, I would wake up in the middle of the night feeling fearful, but I don't know why I'm feeling that way. I've read somewhere before that if you wake up or just felt fearful for no reason at all, try to process what happened to you that day, walk back, retraced your steps so you'll have a logical reason for feeling fearful. But still, if you can't pinpoint the reason, a popular preacher once said, pray to God, and beseech Him to send the holy spirit upon us so we may be calmed, and the holy spirit will pray for us. That's what I did I would pray to lift to the Lord my unknown fears, any time of the day I felt it, I would pray. And that's how I was saved, the Lord saved me, that frightful thing that could have led to paralysis or even death passed through his merciful hands, and I was left unscathed. After I was hospitalized, many told me you didn't look like you suffered a stroke, but I know why because the Lord covered me with his divine blood, and saved me. This is a lesson that we should take care of ourselves. It is true before suffering a brain stroke there are symptoms, and I ignored them all. Nowadays, I try to eat healthily, no more pork fats, beef, and if ever I eat those only just a bite to satisfy my cravings. I eat vegetables, most of the time my food taste bland, I just seasoned it with a bit of salt, I don't take coffee anymore especially those 3 in 1 kind. I try to exercise at home, in short, I want to LIVE! Health is wealth, and we can't look after our loved ones if we are sick.
This was taken a few days after I checked out from the hospital. God is good, I am whole <3

I want to share this with you and writing it makes me feel better because I am able to release some pent up emotions.

Middle life is beautiful.

Till next time, God bless!


  1. After all it is a great article with everything. Thanks in advance for posting it.


Post a Comment

Popular Posts