God could not be everywhere, and therefore He made mothers. - Rudyard Kipling
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"Love, next year you'll be 22? Yes, Mommy."
"DJ will turn 20, Ate will be 27 and Cham, this November will be, 25?"
"Uhmmm", was Love's simple reply.
"Looove, Mommy's getting old!"
"You sure are, Mommy!"
That was the gist of the conversation between my youngest daughter and I a few nights ago.
Hmmph, I feel old!
How I remember bringing my kids with me at work. At first, with Darl & Charm, I would bring them with me at work, on Saturdays. I' ll just packed in their bags their favorite toy & book and I can work just fine in the office. They are so well behaved, bringing them with me in the office poses no problem, although at that time, Darl and Charm, were barely, 4 and 2 years old respectively. Then, came Love and DJ, since their Ates (older sisters) were in school already, I would alternately bring them with me in the office.
I love my children very much but the love I give them is tempered with discipline. I do not spoil them by letting them have their way, so early on, in their young lives, they know how to conduct themselves in public. I have not experienced having my child threw a tantrum while in a store because I did not buy them a particular item they like. If they asked me if I can buy a certain toy, book or trinket for them, when I say, this is the money I have, let's buy another or I'll say, we'll buy it next time, they accept that. They may feel a bit sad but they won't cry buckets of tears to have their way.
I remember, secretly following, my two older girls, as they go caroling at Christmas time! They told me, they want to go caroling by themselves but I said I'll go with them but they were adamant not to bring me along. I conceded because I don't want to ruin their fun and I want them to experience, how to go caroling because I didn' t got the chance to do it when I was a kid. So there was I, sneaking behind cars and bushes, while I was following them. They stopped by a house and started singing their Christmas carol songs accompanied by their maracas and tambourine. It was nowhere a perfect rendition of the Christmas carol but it was music to my ears, I was so proud and happy for them. What I failed to do as a kid, my youngsters were fulfilling it for me. The owner of the house went out and gave them some coins, to which this time, they chorused to a "thank you, thank you ang babait ninyo, thank you (thank you, thank you, you're so kind, thank you)! They managed to sing their Christmas carol to several homes more and the two were happily counting the money they received when I was found out!
Mommy! Why are you following us? I embraced my two girls and gave each a big kiss and so they forgot their impatience with me. With each of them holding my hand, we went home, chatting happily.
So this is what being 50 brings about. You feel suddenly old, you wonder how your kids are young adults now. Maybe, I was preoccupied with aging, going through menopause, wanting to reinvent myself, with wrinkles, greying hair, that I somehow safely frozen my kiddos in time. In my mind, they are still my babies, always clinging to Mommy. I would bring them all with me wherever I go. While in the mall, I would have Love and DJ each by my hand, while I let the 2 older girls walk ahead of us, so I can watch over the four of them and keep them safe.
Now, is a different story. My Darl and Charm are both working now. They have their schedules, even though we're staying in the same house, sometimes we don't see each other. When they're home, I'm at work or if I'm the one at home, the two are working. DJ, would be out with his friends, either to play basketball, Dota or with his classmates finishing a project or other school works. Love, on the other hand, is the one I'm with constantly but sometimes, she too has to go on an overnight with her classmates for their thesis. When I bade Charm, goodbye, as she drives off on Sunday evenings, I feel sad, I feel a bit lost, although I know, she'll be home the following week.
It's hard to be a Mommy. It's hard to let your children go. But such is the fate of all parents, you take care and rear your children and in their adult life, you have to accept they also have their own lives to live. Love is selfless, especially if you're a Mom or a Dad. Being a parent is timeless, there is no break, time out or retirement. There is no salary, bonus or retirement pay. To be a parent is to give your unconditional love to your children. Most of the time, it is heartbreaking to love your child because you know one day, you'll no longer be the number 1 person in their life.
If you love somebody, set them free. If they come back, they're yours; if they don't, they never were. - Richard Bach
To love and raise our children well are our ultimate goals as a parent. To see them living their dreams is our happiness.
I say a heartfelt prayer for each of my children. For the Lord to bless and guide them in all their endeavors. Mommy will always be here, with my arms open to embrace each of my children. And that is why Motherhood never ends.
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Middle life is beautiful.
Till next time. God bless.