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What is Your Major Stress in Life?

What is your major stress in life? A few nights back, while queuing in a drive thru, my kids & I were talking about our personalities. We’re making fun of ourselves, and had a good laugh about it. On a serious side, I blurted out that I was a people pleaser. I wanted people to like me, and yes, it has been a major source of stress for me. It has been that way for me. I want to please my parents, siblings, teachers, classmates, bosses, co workers, hubby, kids, etc. I feel disappointment in myself, if I perceive that I don’t come up to their expectations. I feel ashamed of myself, if I deemed that I fail my children, whether imagined or not. These negative feeling does take a toll on my wellbeing. It took years learning this feeling of inadequacy, so it also took years to unlearn it. It is only through God’s mercy and love,  that I am able to accept myself, love myself. It is only through God’s unconditional love, that I am able to say, that  I  AM  ENOUGH.  I am a work in progress,

What to do on a Sunny Saturday Morning

Nibbling a peanut cereal bar, drinking coffee, watching the clouds transform to a dragon, to a dog, to a Viking, while enjoying the warmth of the sun in my front porch...what a wonderful Saturday morning!

Coffee and cereal bar for breakfast
Boring? Afraid so! But guess what? What if boring translates to tranquillity and peace of mind? Would you wish it upon yourself?

Enjoy your childhood play of cloud watching
A few years back, I figured in an accident, which resulted in the complete fracture of my lower left arm. This turned my life around 180 degrees. 

It was a rainy day after Christmas and normally, I don't go to work, right after Christmas. On that fateful day when I woke up, I was in a hurry to get to work. I was almost at the door when I remembered to stuff some bills inside my bag. Behind the window of the car, the clouds were starkly dark and it started raining hard. I felt gloomy just like the weather and I continued praying the rosary as I usually do while riding to work. When I boarded off the car, while the rain continues to pelt, I ran inside the building, then took the lift, up to our office. I was walking in a hurry when the freak accident happened. I slipped and fell front down on the floor. Thuddd! The sound vibrated on the whole floor of that building. Breathe just came out of me as if somebody pulled the rug beneath me. I tried to rise up by myself but I can't and to my horror, I saw my arm hanging loose into two and I just knew I broke my arm.

Pandemonium broke out and the lady guard was shouting over her radio for help. I heard shoes stumping, in just a few minutes, I was surrounded by many people. They wanted to carry and lift me up, I said no because my arm was broken and a bone pierced through my skin which caused bleeding. Funny, I was the victim of the accident but I was the one barking instructions, thank you to myself for having the foresight to read about giving first aid to those who broke their bone.

Help came, the ones who came first was the rescue team from the nearby fire department. The medic staff injected me with painkillers on both arms and place a temporary cast on my broken arm and this time I was not calm anymore, the pain kicked in, in full force and I was shouting from pain. By the time, I was brought to the hospital, my voice became hoarse from screaming.

The surgeon performed 2 operations on me, the first, was to clean the surface where the bone was broken, the second was to place a screw plate to hinged my broken bones.

I felt completely helpless, my husband had to help me dress, fixed my hair and with other personal things like going to the bathroom. I felt frustrated and experienced extreme grief when a day after my operation, my sister Margie died. On that evening as I lay down on my hospital bed, I wasn't able to appreciate my room complete with amenities, instead, I wanted to wail in grief. But no sound of bereavement left my lips. All the grief, pain and disgruntlement brought by my accident, left a deep void in my mind and spirit. The sorrow and pain were all bottled up within me. I felt I was about to implode.

As the New Year dawned, I could hear the fireworks outside and my sister was laid in her casket. Little did I know that the Lord was preparing me for this double tragedy. When I had the accident, I was calm, so I was able to give coherent instructions, on who & how to contact my family. Where to get my health card and how to administer first aid to me. Prior to this incident, I was looking up on the internet, how to treat broken bones.

Beyond my comprehension, the Lord prepared me, how to deal with the death of my sister, albeit, hard. We were close to each other, we shared all our problems with each other and even helped each other financially. Our relationship was not perfect but through our adult years, we depended heavily on each other for moral and emotional support. We had grand plans, of me working overseas and her, helping to tend my children, together with her own brood. I would be able to help her financially and I would have peace of mind that my children have their daddy and Tita Margie to care for them. Such was grand plans, that came to fruition for I forged on, I went to work in a foreign land, while my children were left to the care of their dad.

That fateful day, I was in a hurry. That reflects, how I was in life, always in a hurry. I was in a hurry to be successful, in a hurry to finish my work, in a hurry to get rich, in a hurry to get to the market, in a hurry to get to work. In a hurry, in everything, even to get my prayers answered.

It's not just me, I think, most would want to get to the finish line first. But the distance from the start of the line to the finish line is the same distance, whether, you take it slow or do it fast.

Enjoy that cup of coffee. Enjoy that peanut butter cereal bar. Enjoy cloud watching. What we might have perceived as boring is maybe the key to peace and tranquillity in life that we want to live in.

How was your Saturday morning? Boring or wonderful? Comment below to share it with the rest.

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Middle life is beautiful.

Till next time. God bless.


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